2347 The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends,134 who has given himself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality.
Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor. Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion. Catechism of the Catholic Church
Without chastity, real love is impossible. It is required of all persons, married and single. It’s about putting sex in its rightful place and not using others for our own pleasures. The Catechism lays it all out. You can check it out HERE .
The beauty of God’s ways is that it is never too late for any of us. Some seem to get it right away, others it may take a little longer. St. Agustine was one that took quite a bit of time, and then became one of our greatest saints. You may be inclined to say like he did, “God make me chaste, but not yet.” But here’s the thing…Kingdom living, which is what God’s children are called to, is not about seeing how much we can get away with and still get in. It’s about making use of it all the minute we can, so that we have the benefit of His graces as soon as possible. Living in sin has dire consequences that effect the here and now and it’s not merely about where we will spend eternity.
Chastity, permits us to honor God’s plan for creation by allowing us to love and respect ourselves properly in line with who and whose we are, and then love others in the same manner. The enemy often distorts and misdirects our creative force (eros) in many ways. It is put there to bring together those who have a job to do in common and is meant to inspire His children towards a common goal for His purposes (with parenting being the best example) not towards each other to become stagnant there. One looks outward together and moves the individuals forward, the other at it’s most benign merely blocks the path and immobilizes. (Read more HERE)
2500: The practice of goodness is accompanied by spontaneous spiritual joy and moral beauty. (Catechism of the Catholic Church)
Sometimes it’s hard to control our feelings and emotions, especially when faced with someone who we know doesn’t like or respect us. This is so relevant for us today who live in such a divided world. Even within our own families we are now facing the reality that our world view is not only rejected, but spurned. But through all of the craziness we’ve been shown over and over examples of Christians who reflected nothing but calmness and goodness, even in the face of evil being spat at them.
So although we can’t often change our interior disposition (although God can and we should pray for it), the one thing we can do is be open to emitting Jesus’ own goodness and love through us. One very simple way of doing this is through our smile. As one who struggles with RBF (if you don’t know what this is, you can look it up. 😉 ), I have to intentionally make an effort to do this.
By this simple task, we are not only conveying Jesus’ goodness to others, but it can actually alter our frame of mind and lead us to better health. Our body picks up on these subtle messages…oh, she’s smiling…we must be feeling good…let’s pump out some feel good hormones. 😀 Feel good hormones are great alkalizing agents, and the whole body benefits from it.
“They are living a life of total self giving. I ask it of you also.”
This was another ‘message’ received during my time in the chapel during my retreat. These monks live a regimented life of self negation for the love of God and their fellowman. Am I called to this too? Yes, perhaps not in the same form that they are living it…but yes. I was convicted of how often I live in search of love for myself, instead of looking to give it away. Wherever we may find ourselves, we are there to BE Jesus to these folks, to GIVE love. And remember the message I posted earlier…a call to love is a call to serve! In our homes, in our jobs, in our churches, in our schools, even in our social networks.
Prayer of St Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
Being a Christian isn’t simply following a list of to-dos (or don’ts), but a living, breathing, relationship. First of all a relationship with our triune God, then with all those that are in His fold. The world gives us hook ups and quickies and says that relationships are passé. God says that we are better than that, and that we will never be truly satisfied until we partake of His Divine will!
Each day that we were there, we were scheduled to have a conference on a specific topic. We only ended up having two conferences because Fr. Peter, our retreat director became ill. The topic he chose for us was forgiveness. I’m going to jot down here, some of the notes I took.
*We all have some sort of ‘unfinished business’, loose ends that need to be tied.
*When we say “I don’t want to deal anymore” that is a sort of revenge and a sign that you haven’t reached forgiveness.
*Forgive but don’t ‘enable’…you need to either speak up…or ‘separate’ if necessary.
*Forgiving is NOT forgetting.
*Don’t just say ‘I forgive you’…don’t say it too easily…honesty is more important.
*When you can’t seem to forgive, then pray for the other person.
*Forgiveness from the heart stems from prayer…it is a grace.
*Choose to focus on the good instead of the bad of the other person.
*Sometimes the person that you need to forgive is yourself.
*If you don’t find love ‘here’, you won’t find it ‘there’. It starts within yourself. Fr. mentioned how in the Benedictine Rule, only if you live well in community are you then allowed to become a hermit.
For those that don’t know, ‘gotcha day’ is a term that we in the adoption world use. It comes from the words ‘got you’ and it refers to that special day that our children come home to us or in some cases, when the adoption was finalized.
On this day 12 years ago, I received the gift of a life time. 😀
I have added the entire adoption story below if you are interested. Although many of you who follow me have already read it many times…so feel free to skip. 😉
July 14th, 1999
This is the day that my journey began in earnest.
It started out like any other day…at least those in most recent memory. Since the death of my mother on December 30, 1997…my world had been blown apart and nothing was as it should have been. This was her birthday and instead of celebrating it by throwing a party for her as I had done in the past…this year I had only her memories and deep depression to keep me company. Yes, I still had people that loved me in my life…I had my husband, my father, my brothers and their families all close by …but the pain and isolation I felt was so intense that none of that mattered…all I could feel and tried desperately to hang on to was what I had lost and not what I still had. In an attempt to ease the pain I asked my husband Roy to drive me to the cemetery. She is buried at Mt. Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge…it’s beauty and peacefulness has a way of soothing me…but on this day even that didn’t help much…there was no consolation to be had.
I got home that day and my soul kept struggling to find something, anything that would set me at peace…I thirsted but there was no way that I knew of to satiate this thirst…it came from my soul. Since my mother’s death one thing that had become very clear to me was my desire to have a family. In my heart I felt that I had been left as a child without a mother and as a mother without a child. My husband and I had been married for 13 years by this point and had tried fertility treatments to try to ‘fix’ things and did all we could think of to try to amend our situation…I read so many books on the subject that I think I can qualify as an expert on fertility issues. However nothing worked and to add insult to injury I got proof this same day that another cycle had been blown. Each monthly cycle always started with such hope and elation and month after month always ended the same way in utter desperation…it is amazing what your mind can dredge up and how much you can grieve for a child that never was.
All of this brought me to my knees…literaly. I remember lying on the bathroom floor sobbing uncontrollably, in total desperation I cried out to God. I shook my fist at Him and told Him that if He wanted me to get back up He was going to have to do something…my strength had all been spent…there was no more that I could do…I surrender! It was as if I could hear God speaking softly to my heart and saying ‘Finally’…’I’ve waited a long time for this’.
This was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. From that moment on, I started listening…there was nothing else that I could do. His voice is soothing but yet assertive…His directives were very clear…no, I didn’t Hear His voice audibly…I heard it in my heart, in the depths of my spirit. I heard Him in the books I read, the music I listened to, even in bill boards as I was driving down the street…it was unmistakable. The first thing He showed me was about obedience, and through a long track in the desert He kept calling me closer and closer to Him and His Church…this eventually led me to Carmel. But for the moment I had to learn to walk with Him one baby step at a time.
My first act of obedience was to get in touch with Catholic Charities about looking into adoption. This was something that had been burning in our hearts for ages…I think even before we were married…I remember reading ‘The Family Nobody Wanted’, which is about a couple who adopts several children from different races, when I was in Junior High and fell in love with the possibility of having that sort of family (amazing what kinds of seeds are sown early on and when they come to bloom). Anyway, that August when we met with them we were extremely cautious as we added our name to their waiting list…which by the way was going to be three years. We played it very safe with the ‘type of child’ that we would accept (yep, isn’t the adoption world interesting) so we were only willing to accept a child of our own race with no medical issues in their background. A couple of months later we received a letter from Catholic Charities that we were # 71 on the list…so wait we did.
God however was not asleep during this waiting phase…He was busy preparing us for what was to come. We went through a complete upheaval…new job for me, new home etc. We had to be constantly saying, yes Lord…may your will be done. Until one day in August of 2001 things had really started to fall into place, we were settled into our four bedroom home (try explaining that one to people…LOL) and He started prodding our hearts again. This time we felt Him leading us to open up our very strict requirement…and again we said ‘yes Lord’. That very same month we received confirmation of our request from Catholic Charities and a notice that our home study would begin…we were ecstatic…who knew it would be that quick. We went through our training the end of that year and then waited patiently through Christmas wanting so desperately a child to share in our abundance of not only material things but of love and God’s graces. Christmas and other holidays were always hard for me since my mom’s passing…it was just such a lonely time but somehow the world expects you to be cheerful no matter what.
Skip forward several months and my friend Karen asks me if we’d be interested in doing a Cursillo…my husband Roy was going through an upheaval in his job and with all the adoption stress, we decided to accept. Roy went first in May of 2002…which happened to be Mother’s day weekend. Which happened to be one of the most difficult for me…no mom, no kids and now hubby not home…I didn’t even have the courage to make it to church. Anyway, during the Lectio Divina portion …the reading that he was asked to meditate on was John 16:20 -24…
“Amen, Amen, I say to you, you will weep and mourn, while the world rejoices: you will grieve, but your grief will become joy. When a woman is in labor, she is in anguish because her hour has arrived; but when she has given birth to a child, she no longer remembers the pain because of her joy that a child has been born into the world…”
That spoke to him as you can imagine and one of the phrases that he underlined was ‘a child has been born’.
On that following Tuesday we get a call from Catholic Charities saying that a baby girl had been born on Mother’s Day (May 12th) and if we were interested in being considered as adoptive parents. Our home study had not even been completed at this point. I asked what name they were using for her and was told that the foster family that had her were calling her Teresa…as a Carmelite, I felt sure that this was God’s sign that she was meant to be ours.
After what seemed like an eternity the birth family finally chose us and we prepared to pick up our daughter on June 22th. We couldn’t sleep at all, we were so excited…so up we were at 4AM (yep…a little taste of things to come…LOL)…we made it to Dunkin Donuts at 5 AM and to Mass by 8AM (we weren’t scheduled to pick her up until that afternoon mind you). Anyway the first reading for the day really spoke to us again…it was 2 Corinthians 8: 10 -14…here’s a little bit of what grabbed my attention.
“And I am giving counsel in this matter, for it is appropriate for you who began not only to act but act willingly last year: complete it now…” (We were like…woohooo….praise God, He’s definitely in this). Then it went on to say “Your surplus at the present time should supply their needs, so that their surplus may also supply your needs, that there may be equality.” I had always interpreted this passage in the past to be about material goods…but now I saw that it is about any of God’s gifts. It opened my eyes specifically about adoption, I had always wondered how God could allow pregnancies in certain situations or to certain women that weren’t ready for it, but not to others that desperately wanted to be a mom. This explained it to me.
That afternoon as they placed my daughter in my arms and I looked into her little face, I knew that she had been meant for me from the beginning of time and was well worth the wait. We named her Sarah after the Old Testament woman who had her much desired child at an old age (I was 39 at the time and thought I qualified…LOL) and for her middle name we chose Therese in honor of the Little Flower and also a derivative of the name that she was known by during her first weeks.
Now let’s skip ahead a bit again and it is now December 1’st 2003. Sarah is now 18 months old and the light of our lives. I just can’t imagine loving another child like this even though the thought of giving her a sibling was bearing heavy in our minds so we had placed a call to an international agency the week before to discuss the possibility of adopting right from Vietnam, which is Sarah’s heritage. Anyway, mid morning I get a call from the social worker at Catholic Charities that had helped us with Sarah’s adoption…she’s asking me if we had considered the possibility of adding another child to our family. I was kind of shocked at the question and wanted to know how she knew…LOL. She goes on to tell me that she had a baby boy in her office at that very moment that needed to be placed right away. He was not yet free for adoption and would be a legal risk but they didn’t want to keep moving him from foster home to foster home and would prefer to have him placed with a family that would stick by him until the outcome of the court hearings was known. I called Roy right away…I told him to sit down…LOL…and proceeded to tell him
the rest of the story. He surprised me with his eager yes and I called her right back and said sure. We didn’t know very much about the baby at this point other then that his name was Christian Adam which to me was another sign from God since here we were heading into Christmas…this was my little baby Jesus given to me to protect and love regardless of the outcome. The social worker came to drop him off that evening and Sarah took to him instantly…he was her ‘be-be’ and when the social worker were getting ready to leave, she started crying because she didn’t want ‘be-be’ to go. Of course, he wasn’t going anywhere…
Those first few months were very hard, as we all grew in our attachment to him and him to us…we loved him so much and yet the possibility of him being taken away was very real. One song that I would sing to him all the time was ‘you are my sunshine’ and even to this day cannot get by the verse that says ‘please don’t take my sunshine away’ without breaking down.
He was still having family visits at this point and it just broke my heart every time that the DSS social worker came by to take him and Sarah just screamed not wanting to let him go either. When our first Christmas together came around we decided to go away for a few days, we just wanted to cherish every single moment with him, we really didn’t know how much time we had together. That was a big lesson for me…to just live in the moment.
We kept going from one court date to the next until finally early in 2005 the birth mother’s parental rights were terminated and he was finally free for adoption. His adoption day was a great day of rejoicing for us and we quickly made plans for his Baptism too.
It’s been an incredible journey and I’m sure God is not done with us yet. I feel so blessed for the gifts that He has bestowed on me…my beautiful children, my husband, my family and friends but most importantly for the graces that He has provided to help me live His life abundantly.
www.essydphoto.comThey say that when you are ready, the teachers will come. I’ve recently discovered the powerful speaker Brendan Burchard’s videos. I don’t know very much about him at all, so if there is anything negative out there…just keep it to yourself for the moment. I need to live in my bubble for a little while. lol.
In the video that I have linked to at the bottom of this page, he talks about Personal Responsibility. I’m telling you…this is EXACTLY what I needed right now. In fact, what he’s talking about here is what this entire blog is about.
I’ve mentioned my struggle with anxiety and depression HERE , and I really believe that bad habits developed throughout my life have contributed to it. As controlling and obnoxious as I can be, I’m also very needy. In other words…I’m a big baby…or I WAS. This blog is all about documenting the process of me changing into who I’m supposed to be, who the Lord created me to be.
So I’ve acknowledged my issues, I see clearly what was holding me back…so what now? I take personal responsibility for where I’m going, that’s what. 😀 Lacking that, I’ve been lacking self esteem and confidence. That leads me to feel FROZEN, unable to live up to my responsibilities in life. I feel like a victim a lot, filled with frustration and oh so lost. And yes…DEPRESSED! Sounds familiar doesn’t it? I really think this is big in our society right now.
So Brendan in this video lays out FIVE areas that we need to take responsibility for.
1)Our Aim: We need to plan out our life. Find out what we want, what we really really want. 😀 What makes you happy? What makes you energized? What gives you life? No clue? Do you have a Pinterest account? If so, go take a peek. lol. Start being proactive on what you’d like to see happen in your life. Here’s my list .
2)Our Attention:This is a big one for me. I’m all over the place. I’m always saying that I have ADD, but truth is we all do. It’s just the nature of the beast…no…really. I believe that Satan throws every kind of distraction our way to keep us from fulfilling God’s plan for our lives. And the ‘distractions’ can be pretty much anything, if it’s taking our mind out of what we should be doing, then it’s a distraction. If it’s not adding to our aim in some way, then it’s a distraction. Our focus needs to be laser sharp.
3)Attitude: We can actually choose the attitude that we are going to be having through out our day, instead of letting others dictate it to us. Oh and being constantly grumpy is NOT cool. Where did we get that idea from anyway? lol. We don’t have to be wishy washy, and always allowing everyone to always walk over us. But we CAN choose our battles. We don’t have to go through life straightening everyone else out. Just let it be. Let it go, let it go…lol.
4)Our Affections: Love, connect deeply, enter into relationships. Don’t be afraid. I’m reading this book that is pretty awesome “Hiding from Love” and it goes deeper into why we ‘hide’ in the first place. I get it, we are all terrified of getting hurt. But really…what is the alternative? Shallow encounters like what this generation is embracing with ‘hook ups’ and the like, literally kills your soul. Everyone is scared silly of each other, yet it is exactly what we need for wholeness. Remember the story of Lazarus in the Bible? When Jesus calls him out of the tomb. He then asks those around him to unbind him. We too need to be ‘unbound’, and it’s only in community that this can happen. We need each other, it’s as simple as that. So…in the words of my beloved St. John Paul II, BE NOT AFRAID!
5)Our Actions:We need to be disciplined and start walking the talk. Maybe baby steps at first and then as we gain confidence we will do better. It’s not about walking in perfectly measured strides, but just moving forward.
I’ve determined that I need to make some changes in my life in order to feel ‘nourished’ in mind, body and soul. In a previous post, I listed the areas that are important to me. I’ve decided to start working on it, one area at a time…just baby steps…and hopefully I can connect with someone else out there that may be reading this and we can inspire each other.
So from that list I’ve come up with these six target areas that I need to address, so that what I believe is more in line with what I do. I will be following up on each one in greater detail as I go along. For now I’m just setting up a ‘wish list’ if you will.
1)First target area is that entire realm of health, with diet and exercise being the most predominant factors. I’m what some would consider ‘crunchy’. I believe in the power of wholesome foods and herbs for keeping us strong and healthy. I believe in embracing a fairly clean diet and exercise program as a way of life, one that provides energy and does not make me or my family ill. I believe that pharmaceuticals have a purpose, but should be kept to a minimum.
As an Autism mom, the book that has made the most sense to me in explaining the why as well as offering a solution is The GAPS diet. So this is what I aim for in my family…or at least The Paleo diet which is very similar and more people are familiar with it.
2)Intimacy with my Creator. For me as a Catholic, at the top of that list is frequent Reception of the Sacraments in a place that feels authentic. I’ve found that as a ‘sensitive soul’ a more traditional setting serves me best. I like all the bells and whistles in my Liturgy.
3)Intimacy with others. To be in relationships where I can lay it all out and feel accepted for who I am but yet challenged to be better. To be surrounded and reaffirmed by people who are similarly called. Where I can both feed and be fed and nurtured and can have a safe exchange of ideas.
4)To guide and nurture my children in the most authentic way possible. Being attentive to their special needs and distinct calling. For me, this involves choosing a homeschooling curriculum that fits our needs. And developing a method of discipline that reaches their heart.
5)To live in an organized and fairly clean setting. Surrounded by nature and beauty. Beautiful music, art and good books surround me.It means de cluttering my living spaces and putting together a cleaning schedule that works for us. A la Flylady.
6)To express my creativity and make a living at it. Productivity is of huge importance to me, as is providing financially for my family and for the things that The Lord puts in my heart of course. Right now, my photography is my passion. I believe that this is my current calling, and the tool that I’m to use to connect to others.
I have this problem when dealing with people…ok…so most probably wouldn’t see it as a problem, but for someone so focused on being authentic it is. It’s that when I first meet someone, people automatically want to paint me with a halo. My stories are good and I’m very drawn to beauty, and holiness appeals to me…so that’s the story that comes out first…I get it. What they do not realize, and perhaps what I am most cautious with, is the fact that the other side also beckons me. Meaning…I’m HUMAN!
The problem arises due to the fact that people then develop certain expectations, which I then strive to meet. However no one is all one thing or the other…at least no one this side of heaven. We are all a beautiful mixture. Yes beautiful…because it is exactly our flaws that allow for grace to come in and do its work. So why not embrace transparency? I’m not saying to flaunt our flaws, or pridefully resist change…heck no. We should always strive for better…but you can’t force it on yourself. We can’t force it on anyone else either. How about if we were to just embrace each other…warts and all?
Isn’t that what soul friends do? We see each other as flowers when the world would consider us weeds.
