This past week I’ve been focusing on Step 1…self. I like to think of step 1 as a vertical beam, connecting you to heaven…to Jesus Himself! You can’t discover what you need and what your soul craves without consulting the One that created you and then allow yourself to gently be lead forward…by stepping out in obedience.
This initial step is all about discovering yourself. There are of course many layers to ‘self’…mind, body, spirit. This week I focused on the body. My health in the past has been all over the place, nothing really serious but enough wrong to mess with God’s plans for me. It greatly effects my emotional well being, and I’m often plagued with depression and anxiety. Something needed to be done. This is when the Whole 30 plan fell into my lap. I’ve been attempting to do Paleo for a while. Coming from an attempt with GAPS for my son’s sake (who has Autism)…and knowing without a doubt that those principles work, but being completely unable to ‘step into it’.
This time, feeling a personal call to do this and then making sure that I had the support in place that I would need, I feel hopeful. I also discovered the TTapp exercise program, which I’ve been doing faithfully all week. I feel a renewed sense of energy and power.
I need the Sacraments to see me through anything that the Lord asks of me…including something that may seem trivial in someone else’s eyes…such as this. So…tomorrow…my plan is to go to Confession. In order to be able to clearly see the guidance that the Lord sends our way…we need to keep debris out of the way. Sin acts very much like trash…muddying the waters to a point that we can no longer see truth and beauty if it were to bite us in the face.
If you are following me on Facebook, I have started adding has tags to some of my posts to categorize which ‘step’ it conforms to. So this for example would be #steppingintoit1
www.essydphoto.comThey say that when you are ready, the teachers will come. I’ve recently discovered the powerful speaker Brendan Burchard’s videos. I don’t know very much about him at all, so if there is anything negative out there…just keep it to yourself for the moment. I need to live in my bubble for a little while. lol.
In the video that I have linked to at the bottom of this page, he talks about Personal Responsibility. I’m telling you…this is EXACTLY what I needed right now. In fact, what he’s talking about here is what this entire blog is about.
I’ve mentioned my struggle with anxiety and depression HERE , and I really believe that bad habits developed throughout my life have contributed to it. As controlling and obnoxious as I can be, I’m also very needy. In other words…I’m a big baby…or I WAS. This blog is all about documenting the process of me changing into who I’m supposed to be, who the Lord created me to be.
So I’ve acknowledged my issues, I see clearly what was holding me back…so what now? I take personal responsibility for where I’m going, that’s what. 😀 Lacking that, I’ve been lacking self esteem and confidence. That leads me to feel FROZEN, unable to live up to my responsibilities in life. I feel like a victim a lot, filled with frustration and oh so lost. And yes…DEPRESSED! Sounds familiar doesn’t it? I really think this is big in our society right now.
So Brendan in this video lays out FIVE areas that we need to take responsibility for.
1)Our Aim: We need to plan out our life. Find out what we want, what we really really want. 😀 What makes you happy? What makes you energized? What gives you life? No clue? Do you have a Pinterest account? If so, go take a peek. lol. Start being proactive on what you’d like to see happen in your life. Here’s my list .
2)Our Attention:This is a big one for me. I’m all over the place. I’m always saying that I have ADD, but truth is we all do. It’s just the nature of the beast…no…really. I believe that Satan throws every kind of distraction our way to keep us from fulfilling God’s plan for our lives. And the ‘distractions’ can be pretty much anything, if it’s taking our mind out of what we should be doing, then it’s a distraction. If it’s not adding to our aim in some way, then it’s a distraction. Our focus needs to be laser sharp.
3)Attitude: We can actually choose the attitude that we are going to be having through out our day, instead of letting others dictate it to us. Oh and being constantly grumpy is NOT cool. Where did we get that idea from anyway? lol. We don’t have to be wishy washy, and always allowing everyone to always walk over us. But we CAN choose our battles. We don’t have to go through life straightening everyone else out. Just let it be. Let it go, let it go…lol.
4)Our Affections: Love, connect deeply, enter into relationships. Don’t be afraid. I’m reading this book that is pretty awesome “Hiding from Love” and it goes deeper into why we ‘hide’ in the first place. I get it, we are all terrified of getting hurt. But really…what is the alternative? Shallow encounters like what this generation is embracing with ‘hook ups’ and the like, literally kills your soul. Everyone is scared silly of each other, yet it is exactly what we need for wholeness. Remember the story of Lazarus in the Bible? When Jesus calls him out of the tomb. He then asks those around him to unbind him. We too need to be ‘unbound’, and it’s only in community that this can happen. We need each other, it’s as simple as that. So…in the words of my beloved St. John Paul II, BE NOT AFRAID!
5)Our Actions:We need to be disciplined and start walking the talk. Maybe baby steps at first and then as we gain confidence we will do better. It’s not about walking in perfectly measured strides, but just moving forward.
I’ve determined that I need to make some changes in my life in order to feel ‘nourished’ in mind, body and soul. In a previous post, I listed the areas that are important to me. I’ve decided to start working on it, one area at a time…just baby steps…and hopefully I can connect with someone else out there that may be reading this and we can inspire each other.
So from that list I’ve come up with these six target areas that I need to address, so that what I believe is more in line with what I do. I will be following up on each one in greater detail as I go along. For now I’m just setting up a ‘wish list’ if you will.
1)First target area is that entire realm of health, with diet and exercise being the most predominant factors. I’m what some would consider ‘crunchy’. I believe in the power of wholesome foods and herbs for keeping us strong and healthy. I believe in embracing a fairly clean diet and exercise program as a way of life, one that provides energy and does not make me or my family ill. I believe that pharmaceuticals have a purpose, but should be kept to a minimum.
As an Autism mom, the book that has made the most sense to me in explaining the why as well as offering a solution is The GAPS diet. So this is what I aim for in my family…or at least The Paleo diet which is very similar and more people are familiar with it.
2)Intimacy with my Creator. For me as a Catholic, at the top of that list is frequent Reception of the Sacraments in a place that feels authentic. I’ve found that as a ‘sensitive soul’ a more traditional setting serves me best. I like all the bells and whistles in my Liturgy.
3)Intimacy with others. To be in relationships where I can lay it all out and feel accepted for who I am but yet challenged to be better. To be surrounded and reaffirmed by people who are similarly called. Where I can both feed and be fed and nurtured and can have a safe exchange of ideas.
4)To guide and nurture my children in the most authentic way possible. Being attentive to their special needs and distinct calling. For me, this involves choosing a homeschooling curriculum that fits our needs. And developing a method of discipline that reaches their heart.
5)To live in an organized and fairly clean setting. Surrounded by nature and beauty. Beautiful music, art and good books surround me.It means de cluttering my living spaces and putting together a cleaning schedule that works for us. A la Flylady.
6)To express my creativity and make a living at it. Productivity is of huge importance to me, as is providing financially for my family and for the things that The Lord puts in my heart of course. Right now, my photography is my passion. I believe that this is my current calling, and the tool that I’m to use to connect to others.
I have been looking through my old blog and found some post from 2006 when my son (then four) was hospitalized for swallowing magnets. This is one example of why I prefer blogs over Facebook for more serious writing. The whole story is there, preserved…as it happened. I’m so grateful that I get to take a peek back and see all that The Lord has brought us through.
This video had me in tears first thing this morning. Watch it right now and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
I too have struggled with anxiety at some points in my past and more recently with depression. It is more debilitating than anyone can imagine. I really think though that it is more common than people realize, especially for the ‘sensitive soul’. We soak up all that is going on around us and it gets overwhelming. I’m hoping that as more and more people are inspired, they are able to share their stories too and we can stand together and strengthen each other. As you can see from this girl, many sensitive souls are extremely talented…it is a shame to lose them to either isolation or in the worst case scenario…suicide.
And then there’s this one. Not anxiety related…just joyful…you need to watch this beautiful bride sing to her groom.
THIS, is stepping into it. This is totally what I had in mind when I changed the name of my blog. You need to watch this. Yes, I know that I say this all the time. But you really do! And then please come tell me how awesome this is. 😀
Please read this beautiful homily by Father Mario Esposito, O. Carm.
It targets my questioning and disquiet these past couple of years and what I’m still struggling to answer. “Why have you come here.” Here…to this community…to this marriage…to this life. Why are YOU here? Once that has been answered we can no longer sit back and play small. We can choose self giving, obedience and submission, only when we have something to actually give.
“People submerged in their work and other pursuits who begin to lose the meaning of their lives, to feel lost, overwhelmed, angry and frustrated, have to stop and breathe and re-orient themselves to ask what is really important, and what really matters.” Yes, if we don’t ask it of ourselves…life will do it for us and usually in the harshest of tones.
“Why are you here? I am most zealous for the Lord of hosts, for the service of God’s people, in purity and with love.”
www.essydphoto.com
Puritas Cordis June 9, 2012
Purity of Heart, one of the charisms of our Carmelite Spirituality. But what does it really mean, and how does it apply to the lay person.
When we speak of purity of heart to the average Catholic, the message of sexual purity is inferred. However, Puritas Cordis goes way beyond that. Think of Our Blessed Mother. Yes, she was pure in the context stated above…but her freedom from sin was total and complete. Her heart burned wholly for God and His will…and grace abounded.
We are all created with a God-shaped hole in our soul. It is so deep and profound and like St. Augustine said “we are restless until we rest in thee”. This realization of what we are craving comes to the soul of an individual at different stages of the journey. Often times some ‘desert time’ is required. This path can be extremely painful, because it is only through the detachment process that we see that only He is enough, and truly what our heart is desiring in the first place. You cannot feel hunger if you keep yourself stationed at the buffet table.
There is an old country song that whines about ‘looking for love in too many faces’. That is exactly what a heart that is searching for God goes through. We hunger for fulfillment, and completeness, for meaning and purpose, to be told that we are worthy and beautiful. We turn to our idols, our self made golden calves and ask them to supply these things. Their answer at first is intoxicating, it appears to supply all of our needs and we keep going back for more. What started out as a choice now becomes a compulsion! We thirst and these idols keep us thirsty. It doesn’t matter what your particular drug of choice is…we humans are so ingenious, we can create idols out of anything. It is that thing that we keep going back to, time and time again…expecting that this time finally our heart will be content. For some it is food, for others alcohol, drugs, sex, money, power…you get the picture.
It is the apple in the garden of Eden all over again. That’s what the ultimate temptation was about…yes, it was about disobedience…but it was also about seeking answers to life separate from God. His rules are set up for our own protection. They are not there to punish us, but to insure that we get the very best. When I make rules for my kids to not eat junk food, it’s not because I am mean and want to see them suffer. I merely want them to be nourished properly. I want the very best for them. I know that the junk food will take away their appetite for what is good and healthy.
Created things are not bad in and of them selves; it is the distortion in our heart that causes harm. We become greedy with a ‘give me’ attitude. We seek His Hand and stop seeking His Face. It causes harm in the sense that it becomes a distraction from loving God and in turn our brothers fully, and keeps us from receiving all that He wants to give to us. We set ourselves up as our own God, seeking pleasures outside of His boundaries and His Providence. We see everything and everyone as a vessel to fulfill these needs.
One of my favorite stories is about a little girl who so desperately wanted a plastic pearl necklace. She saw just the one in a store window for 25 cents and saved up her pennies to acquire it. She treasured that necklace and held on tight to it. Every night her daddy would tuck her in to bed and ask her for the necklace. Every night the response was the same…oh no daddy, why don’t you take my dolly, or any of my other toys…but not my necklace. The loving daddy would just give her a kiss on the forehead and wish her good night. This played out the same way for a while, until one night the child finally gave in. In tears she took off the old fake pearls which were turning her neck black my now and handed them to her loving daddy. He held her close and as he took her fake pearls with one hand, he was extending the other to deliver to her a beautiful necklace of real pearls that he had been saving for her.
My brothers and sisters in Carmel, the Lord loves us so much that He isn’t satisfied until we are fully partaking in all that He has in store for us…and we shouldn’t be either. This is only accomplished with a pure heart. He gladly takes all of our ‘fake pearls’, and wants so desperately to bejewel us with the real thing, true love!
This isn’t accomplished simply by trying harder or doing better…but by being still and letting it sink in how much our Heavenly Father loves us and how much He has already given and still wants to give to us. We need to be able to live simply in the present moment with a heart filled with appreciation for what is. This is why the track through the desert becomes indispensible; it helps us to focus and removes our blinders.
The path to holiness is not easy but the good news is that He has left us with His Holy Catholic Church which provides the Sacraments that we need for true nourishment…especially that of Reconciliation and the Eucharist. He also sends His angels to minister to us; the importance of community is undeniable…our families, holy friendships and our spiritual communities are all there to support us in this sacred journey towards Holiness.
How Much Does Your Soul Weigh?: Diet-Free Solutions to Your Food, Weight, and Body Worries
A friend just recommended this book to me and it looks like the type of thing that I’m into. Those of you who have been with me for a while know about my journey with weight loss and subsequent regain. But what I learned with programs like Weigh Down and Thin Within, has stayed with me and has lead me forward. So what I’m reading here so far seems to go with that quite well.
This ‘intuitive self care’ is what I as a Catholic Christian call ‘living a life of grace’. Allowing The Lord, to the best of my ability, to lead me forth in all areas of my life. Can’t wait to dig in further. I will keep you all posted. 😀
This past week I’ve been focusing on Step 1…self. I like to think of step 1 as a vertical beam, connecting you to heaven…to Jesus Himself! You can’t discover what you need and what your soul craves without consulting the One that created you and then allow yourself to gently be lead forward…by stepping out in obedience.
