depression – Walk in Trust

Called into the Great Silence!

I had the pleasure of being on retreat last week. I went in on Monday afternoon and left Friday morning after breakfast. I’m still trying to process all that I experienced and learned there. These blog posts are about that…my own processing…I hope that they make some sense to you who may be reading and possibly even afford some inspiration…but I’ll leave that to the Holy Spirit.

Let me start at the beginning. I was supposed to be going on a long weekend get away trip with some girl friends the second weekend of September. My husband scheduled a few days off from work, to watch the kids. I was looking forward to some time to myself to recharge my batteries and spend some time with some awesome people. It didn’t work out. One thing after another happened, and the weekend plans were eventually cancelled. To say I was disappointed was putting it mildly. But I had to trust in God’s plan.

However, part of the reason that I had so wanted to get away was my current struggles with severe depression. The week before my retreat, it had hit me again. For any of you who may struggle with this, you know that it comes in waves…you never really know when or how intensely it will hit you. So when it does, I retreat to my chair (or sometimes to my bed) and just let it pass. Shortly after crying to the Lord demanding to know why I had even been born, I got ‘the call’. A dear friend had been at St. Joseph’s Abbey in Spencer that morning and the Holy Spirit had put me in their heart…the feeling was strong that I had to be there. I was left with no doubt that I had to obey. So I placed a call to the Abbey right away. In their website they say that retreats need to be booked six months ahead of time. Ok…it’s in God’s hands…whatever He wants…shall be. I left a message and hoped for the best.

A bit later someone from the Abbey called me back. The following week would be the women’s retreat (it’s the third week of each month) and they still had rooms available…would that be ok with me? Ha! Yes…that sounds just about perfect…especially considering that the week in question began on the 15th with the feast day of Our Lady of Sorrows (right after the Exaltation of the Cross on Sunday which was my 29th wedding anniversary) and ended on the 19th…the day before my birthday. 😀

I think God had a plan, don’t you? Please stay tuned…

Stepping into…step 1

This past week I’ve been focusing on Step 1…self. I like to think of step 1 as a vertical beam, connecting you to heaven…to Jesus Himself! You can’t discover what you need and what your soul craves without consulting the One that created you and then allow yourself to gently be lead forward…by stepping out in obedience.

This initial step is all about discovering yourself. There are of course many layers to ‘self’…mind, body, spirit. This week I focused on the body. My health in the past has been all over the place, nothing really serious but enough wrong to mess with God’s plans for me. It greatly effects my emotional well being, and I’m often plagued with depression and anxiety. Something needed to be done. This is when the Whole 30 plan fell into my lap. I’ve been attempting to do Paleo for a while. Coming from an attempt with GAPS for my son’s sake (who has Autism)…and knowing without a doubt that those principles work, but being completely unable to ‘step into it’.

This time, feeling a personal call to do this and then making sure that I had the support in place that I would need, I feel hopeful. I also discovered the TTapp exercise program, which I’ve been doing faithfully all week. I feel a renewed sense of energy and power.

I need the Sacraments to see me through anything that the Lord asks of me…including something that may seem trivial in someone else’s eyes…such as this. So…tomorrow…my plan is to go to Confession. In order to be able to clearly see the guidance that the Lord sends our way…we need to keep debris out of the way. Sin acts very much like trash…muddying the waters to a point that we can no longer see truth and beauty if it were to bite us in the face.

If you are following me on Facebook, I have started adding has tags to some of my posts to categorize which ‘step’ it conforms to. So this for example would be #steppingintoit1

Taking Ownership of Your Life

They say that when you are ready, the teachers will come. I’ve recently discovered the powerful speaker Brendan Burchard’s videos. I don’t know very much about him at all, so if there is anything negative out there…just keep it to yourself for the moment. I need to live in my bubble for a little while. lol.

In the video that I have linked to at the bottom of this page, he talks about Personal Responsibility. I’m telling you…this is EXACTLY what I needed right now. In fact, what he’s talking about here is what this entire blog is about.

I’ve mentioned my struggle with anxiety and depression HERE , and I really believe that bad habits developed throughout my life have contributed to it. As controlling and obnoxious as I can be, I’m also very needy. In other words…I’m a big baby…or I WAS. This blog is all about documenting the process of me changing into who I’m supposed to be, who the Lord created me to be.

So I’ve acknowledged my issues, I see clearly what was holding me back…so what now? I take personal responsibility for where I’m going, that’s what. 😀 Lacking that, I’ve been lacking self esteem and confidence. That leads me to feel FROZEN, unable to live up to my responsibilities in life. I feel like a victim a lot, filled with frustration and oh so lost. And yes…DEPRESSED! Sounds familiar doesn’t it? I really think this is big in our society right now.

So Brendan in this video lays out FIVE areas that we need to take responsibility for.

1)Our Aim: We need to plan out our life. Find out what we want, what we really really want. 😀 What makes you happy? What makes you energized? What gives you life? No clue? Do you have a Pinterest account? If so, go take a peek. lol. Start being proactive on what you’d like to see happen in your life. Here’s my list .

2)Our Attention:This is a big one for me. I’m all over the place. I’m always saying that I have ADD, but truth is we all do. It’s just the nature of the beast…no…really. I believe that Satan throws every kind of distraction our way to keep us from fulfilling God’s plan for our lives. And the ‘distractions’ can be pretty much anything, if it’s taking our mind out of what we should be doing, then it’s a distraction. If it’s not adding to our aim in some way, then it’s a distraction. Our focus needs to be laser sharp.

3)Attitude: We can actually choose the attitude that we are going to be having through out our day, instead of letting others dictate it to us. Oh and being constantly grumpy is NOT cool. Where did we get that idea from anyway? lol. We don’t have to be wishy washy, and always allowing everyone to always walk over us. But we CAN choose our battles. We don’t have to go through life straightening everyone else out. Just let it be. Let it go, let it go…lol.

4)Our Affections: Love, connect deeply, enter into relationships. Don’t be afraid. I’m reading this book that is pretty awesome “Hiding from Love” and it goes deeper into why we ‘hide’ in the first place. I get it, we are all terrified of getting hurt. But really…what is the alternative? Shallow encounters like what this generation is embracing with ‘hook ups’ and the like, literally kills your soul. Everyone is scared silly of each other, yet it is exactly what we need for wholeness. Remember the story of Lazarus in the Bible? When Jesus calls him out of the tomb. He then asks those around him to unbind him. We too need to be ‘unbound’, and it’s only in community that this can happen. We need each other, it’s as simple as that. So…in the words of my beloved St. John Paul II, BE NOT AFRAID!

5)Our Actions:We need to be disciplined and start walking the talk. Maybe baby steps at first and then as we gain confidence we will do better. It’s not about walking in perfectly measured strides, but just moving forward.

Watch Brenden’s Video Here

Six Steps to Wholeness

I’ve determined that I need to make some changes in my life in order to feel ‘nourished’ in mind, body and soul. In a previous post, I listed the areas that are important to me. I’ve decided to start working on it, one area at a time…just baby steps…and hopefully I can connect with someone else out there that may be reading this and we can inspire each other.

So from that list I’ve come up with these six target areas that I need to address, so that what I believe is more in line with what I do. I will be following up on each one in greater detail as I go along. For now I’m just setting up a ‘wish list’ if you will.

1)First target area is that entire realm of health, with diet and exercise being the most predominant factors. I’m what some would consider ‘crunchy’. I believe in the power of wholesome foods and herbs for keeping us strong and healthy. I believe in embracing a fairly clean diet and exercise program as a way of life, one that provides energy and does not make me or my family ill. I believe that pharmaceuticals have a purpose, but should be kept to a minimum.

As an Autism mom, the book that has made the most sense to me in explaining the why as well as offering a solution is The GAPS diet. So this is what I aim for in my family…or at least The Paleo diet which is very similar and more people are familiar with it.

The Paleo Cure

2)Intimacy with my Creator. For me as a Catholic, at the top of that list is frequent Reception of the Sacraments in a place that feels authentic. I’ve found that as a ‘sensitive soul’ a more traditional setting serves me best. I like all the bells and whistles in my Liturgy.

3)Intimacy with others. To be in relationships where I can lay it all out and feel accepted for who I am but yet challenged to be better. To be surrounded and reaffirmed by people who are similarly called. Where I can both feed and be fed and nurtured and can have a safe exchange of ideas.

4)To guide and nurture my children in the most authentic way possible. Being attentive to their special needs and distinct calling. For me, this involves choosing a homeschooling curriculum that fits our needs. And developing a method of discipline that reaches their heart.

5)To live in an organized and fairly clean setting. Surrounded by nature and beauty. Beautiful music, art and good books surround me.It means de cluttering my living spaces and putting together a cleaning schedule that works for us. A la Flylady.

6)To express my creativity and make a living at it.
Productivity is of huge importance to me, as is providing financially for my family and for the things that The Lord puts in my heart of course. Right now, my photography is my passion. I believe that this is my current calling, and the tool that I’m to use to connect to others.

Hallelujah

This video had me in tears first thing this morning. Watch it right now and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

I too have struggled with anxiety at some points in my past and more recently with depression. It is more debilitating than anyone can imagine. I really think though that it is more common than people realize, especially for the ‘sensitive soul’. We soak up all that is going on around us and it gets overwhelming. I’m hoping that as more and more people are inspired, they are able to share their stories too and we can stand together and strengthen each other. As you can see from this girl, many sensitive souls are extremely talented…it is a shame to lose them to either isolation or in the worst case scenario…suicide.

And then there’s this one. Not anxiety related…just joyful…you need to watch this beautiful bride sing to her groom.

http://www.godvine.com/This-Bride-Had-The-Best-Surprise-For-fb-gv-5501.html