I am SO tempted at this point to just say ‘sorry, I’ve got nothing for ya’. Seriously…this has been where the deepest growth in my life is taking place right now…and if you are a Christian you are well aware that growth only takes place in the darkest of places. First of all, if you know us personally, I don’t want you to come out of this thinking ‘oh my gosh, they are going to split up’. This is all me folks…I’m lucky to be married to the most caring, understanding human being on the plant. It is my menopausal, hormonal, self evaluating, mid life crisis. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then this might not be the article for you. I realize that I’m writing to a very select few…and still I carry on…out of obedience to what the Lord is putting in my heart. No answers at this point…mostly questions…and lots of ‘thoughts’ strung together. So again I apologize if this one makes no sense.
First of all I will start with ‘submission’. As a devout Catholic Christian and a lover of ‘obedience’ to the word of God and His Church, this is something that I am big on. I know without a doubt that there is a line of authority and as we submit ourselves to it, then we really can’t go wrong in God’s eyes. Graces abound! However, let me tell you that we in our human frailty can get this very wrong. I’m pretty sure that I’m going to rub some people the wrong way. Sorry…that is not my intent.
The place I was at in my head was an ideal place where husband is head of the household and wife and children submit to his rule. How can you go wrong, right? Well…here’s what happens, if your spouse isn’t familiar with Christian leadership…and really isn’t hearing from God much at all…but you are. You die! No…not in the Christian ‘die to self’…but in the ‘commit spiritual suicide’ and just curl into a clump, because my interior life does not fit my exterior. You can get away with this for quite a few years, in the name of peace and family unity…and even Christian suffering…or however you want to justify it. But here’s the deal. This is not God’s will. You are important to God’s plan, you are valued, you are loved.
What SUBMISSION really means is to be UNDER (sub) someone’s ‘MISSION’. Supposedly you meet someone with the same mission in life as you…you join forces through marriage where the two become one (powerful stuff)…and since you can’t have two heads…and the way men and women were created…the husband leads. But remember you are under the same mission, so he won’t be taking you anywhere that you don’t want to go. You are in it together…head and body… working together!
That’s the ideal…that’s what a sacramental marriage should entail. If you don’t have that…don’t worry, at least not yet. I believe that God can reach us wherever we are and give us enough grace to do whatever He has asked of us. So maybe breaking it up into baby steps might be helpful. What is your joint mission? Obviously raising a family is the number one priority of any marriage. If you are Catholic and don’t see this as being true, I’d suggest you read more about it. Although not all marriages will bear fruit, but the openness to it is of utmost importance.
Raising a family when you and your spouse share very different world views can be extremely difficult, but not impossible. This is where my view and that of more conservative Christians part way. I’ve mentioned before about my adherence to the submissive role. Which was very easy for me being married to a very easy going guy, by the way. However, that ‘easy goingness’ can translate to a lack of leadership. So instead of a head and a body…you may find yourself with two bodies…you don’t really go anywhere that way either and can get yourself into a heap of trouble. I think that if the wife is a stronger Christian, in this case it is perfectly ok for her to take on the reigns for a bit. The husband may then pick up on some cues and eventually be prepared to lead…or not. What is important is that your household, your family be Spirit lead! You obviously can’t make your spouse follow your lead, this is what I was referring before about us being created differently. But keep doing what is best for you and your household to the best of your ability anyway and keep offering it up. Don’t be afraid of what might happen…God’s graces will cover it! So…keep stepping into it! 😉
