This past week I’ve been focusing on Step 1…self. I like to think of step 1 as a vertical beam, connecting you to heaven…to Jesus Himself! You can’t discover what you need and what your soul craves without consulting the One that created you and then allow yourself to gently be lead forward…by stepping out in obedience.
This initial step is all about discovering yourself. There are of course many layers to ‘self’…mind, body, spirit. This week I focused on the body. My health in the past has been all over the place, nothing really serious but enough wrong to mess with God’s plans for me. It greatly effects my emotional well being, and I’m often plagued with depression and anxiety. Something needed to be done. This is when the Whole 30 plan fell into my lap. I’ve been attempting to do Paleo for a while. Coming from an attempt with GAPS for my son’s sake (who has Autism)…and knowing without a doubt that those principles work, but being completely unable to ‘step into it’.
This time, feeling a personal call to do this and then making sure that I had the support in place that I would need, I feel hopeful. I also discovered the TTapp exercise program, which I’ve been doing faithfully all week. I feel a renewed sense of energy and power.
I need the Sacraments to see me through anything that the Lord asks of me…including something that may seem trivial in someone else’s eyes…such as this. So…tomorrow…my plan is to go to Confession. In order to be able to clearly see the guidance that the Lord sends our way…we need to keep debris out of the way. Sin acts very much like trash…muddying the waters to a point that we can no longer see truth and beauty if it were to bite us in the face.
If you are following me on Facebook, I have started adding has tags to some of my posts to categorize which ‘step’ it conforms to. So this for example would be #steppingintoit1
We (as worldly beings) seek things in our own terms, not on God’s. We look for the Resurrection without the Cross. In fact we often look to discard the Cross at all costs…the cross of infertility, the cross of loneliness, the cross of longing, we want it GONE and often go to great lengths to accomplish just that. The world tells us that if we only had these things (a baby, this particular relationship) then all in life would be just perfect. Think of the apple in the Garden…it was taken illicitly…and even though it still opened their eyes as was promised, the trust relationship between man and God was broken. Man had to keep on striving to meet his own needs.
The cure then becomes to ‘be still’…stop striving…die already…so that you can be resurrected with Him!
I’ve long discovered that something had to be done about how I planned my week. You see…I’d start out great…awesome intentions, lots of energy and then when the weekend hit it would go down hill FAST! I work well by myself but weekends when hubby is home, the dynamics are completely different.
So, here’s the new plan. FRIDAY is my planning day and essentially the beginning of MY week! I want to begin with a fast of sorts, to be able to let go of the previous week and embrace the new one with enough renewed hope to carry me through the rough spots. The weekend then becomes my recharge days, spiritually as well as physically and emotionally. Church, friends, family…you get the picture.
Seeing it from this perspective allows my weekends to become a ‘filling up’ process instead of a ‘release’ time. So that now I can make better conscious decisions to add more of what energizes me to my days and stay away from what depletes me.
I’ve determined that I need to make some changes in my life in order to feel ‘nourished’ in mind, body and soul. In a previous post, I listed the areas that are important to me. I’ve decided to start working on it, one area at a time…just baby steps…and hopefully I can connect with someone else out there that may be reading this and we can inspire each other.
So from that list I’ve come up with these six target areas that I need to address, so that what I believe is more in line with what I do. I will be following up on each one in greater detail as I go along. For now I’m just setting up a ‘wish list’ if you will.
1)First target area is that entire realm of health, with diet and exercise being the most predominant factors. I’m what some would consider ‘crunchy’. I believe in the power of wholesome foods and herbs for keeping us strong and healthy. I believe in embracing a fairly clean diet and exercise program as a way of life, one that provides energy and does not make me or my family ill. I believe that pharmaceuticals have a purpose, but should be kept to a minimum.
As an Autism mom, the book that has made the most sense to me in explaining the why as well as offering a solution is The GAPS diet. So this is what I aim for in my family…or at least The Paleo diet which is very similar and more people are familiar with it.
2)Intimacy with my Creator. For me as a Catholic, at the top of that list is frequent Reception of the Sacraments in a place that feels authentic. I’ve found that as a ‘sensitive soul’ a more traditional setting serves me best. I like all the bells and whistles in my Liturgy.
3)Intimacy with others. To be in relationships where I can lay it all out and feel accepted for who I am but yet challenged to be better. To be surrounded and reaffirmed by people who are similarly called. Where I can both feed and be fed and nurtured and can have a safe exchange of ideas.
4)To guide and nurture my children in the most authentic way possible. Being attentive to their special needs and distinct calling. For me, this involves choosing a homeschooling curriculum that fits our needs. And developing a method of discipline that reaches their heart.
5)To live in an organized and fairly clean setting. Surrounded by nature and beauty. Beautiful music, art and good books surround me.It means de cluttering my living spaces and putting together a cleaning schedule that works for us. A la Flylady.
6)To express my creativity and make a living at it. Productivity is of huge importance to me, as is providing financially for my family and for the things that The Lord puts in my heart of course. Right now, my photography is my passion. I believe that this is my current calling, and the tool that I’m to use to connect to others.
I have this problem when dealing with people…ok…so most probably wouldn’t see it as a problem, but for someone so focused on being authentic it is. It’s that when I first meet someone, people automatically want to paint me with a halo. My stories are good and I’m very drawn to beauty, and holiness appeals to me…so that’s the story that comes out first…I get it. What they do not realize, and perhaps what I am most cautious with, is the fact that the other side also beckons me. Meaning…I’m HUMAN!
The problem arises due to the fact that people then develop certain expectations, which I then strive to meet. However no one is all one thing or the other…at least no one this side of heaven. We are all a beautiful mixture. Yes beautiful…because it is exactly our flaws that allow for grace to come in and do its work. So why not embrace transparency? I’m not saying to flaunt our flaws, or pridefully resist change…heck no. We should always strive for better…but you can’t force it on yourself. We can’t force it on anyone else either. How about if we were to just embrace each other…warts and all?
Isn’t that what soul friends do? We see each other as flowers when the world would consider us weeds.
THIS, is stepping into it. This is totally what I had in mind when I changed the name of my blog. You need to watch this. Yes, I know that I say this all the time. But you really do! And then please come tell me how awesome this is. 😀
Please read this beautiful homily by Father Mario Esposito, O. Carm.
It targets my questioning and disquiet these past couple of years and what I’m still struggling to answer. “Why have you come here.” Here…to this community…to this marriage…to this life. Why are YOU here? Once that has been answered we can no longer sit back and play small. We can choose self giving, obedience and submission, only when we have something to actually give.
“People submerged in their work and other pursuits who begin to lose the meaning of their lives, to feel lost, overwhelmed, angry and frustrated, have to stop and breathe and re-orient themselves to ask what is really important, and what really matters.” Yes, if we don’t ask it of ourselves…life will do it for us and usually in the harshest of tones.
“Why are you here? I am most zealous for the Lord of hosts, for the service of God’s people, in purity and with love.”
www.essydphoto.com
Puritas Cordis June 9, 2012
Purity of Heart, one of the charisms of our Carmelite Spirituality. But what does it really mean, and how does it apply to the lay person.
When we speak of purity of heart to the average Catholic, the message of sexual purity is inferred. However, Puritas Cordis goes way beyond that. Think of Our Blessed Mother. Yes, she was pure in the context stated above…but her freedom from sin was total and complete. Her heart burned wholly for God and His will…and grace abounded.
We are all created with a God-shaped hole in our soul. It is so deep and profound and like St. Augustine said “we are restless until we rest in thee”. This realization of what we are craving comes to the soul of an individual at different stages of the journey. Often times some ‘desert time’ is required. This path can be extremely painful, because it is only through the detachment process that we see that only He is enough, and truly what our heart is desiring in the first place. You cannot feel hunger if you keep yourself stationed at the buffet table.
There is an old country song that whines about ‘looking for love in too many faces’. That is exactly what a heart that is searching for God goes through. We hunger for fulfillment, and completeness, for meaning and purpose, to be told that we are worthy and beautiful. We turn to our idols, our self made golden calves and ask them to supply these things. Their answer at first is intoxicating, it appears to supply all of our needs and we keep going back for more. What started out as a choice now becomes a compulsion! We thirst and these idols keep us thirsty. It doesn’t matter what your particular drug of choice is…we humans are so ingenious, we can create idols out of anything. It is that thing that we keep going back to, time and time again…expecting that this time finally our heart will be content. For some it is food, for others alcohol, drugs, sex, money, power…you get the picture.
It is the apple in the garden of Eden all over again. That’s what the ultimate temptation was about…yes, it was about disobedience…but it was also about seeking answers to life separate from God. His rules are set up for our own protection. They are not there to punish us, but to insure that we get the very best. When I make rules for my kids to not eat junk food, it’s not because I am mean and want to see them suffer. I merely want them to be nourished properly. I want the very best for them. I know that the junk food will take away their appetite for what is good and healthy.
Created things are not bad in and of them selves; it is the distortion in our heart that causes harm. We become greedy with a ‘give me’ attitude. We seek His Hand and stop seeking His Face. It causes harm in the sense that it becomes a distraction from loving God and in turn our brothers fully, and keeps us from receiving all that He wants to give to us. We set ourselves up as our own God, seeking pleasures outside of His boundaries and His Providence. We see everything and everyone as a vessel to fulfill these needs.
One of my favorite stories is about a little girl who so desperately wanted a plastic pearl necklace. She saw just the one in a store window for 25 cents and saved up her pennies to acquire it. She treasured that necklace and held on tight to it. Every night her daddy would tuck her in to bed and ask her for the necklace. Every night the response was the same…oh no daddy, why don’t you take my dolly, or any of my other toys…but not my necklace. The loving daddy would just give her a kiss on the forehead and wish her good night. This played out the same way for a while, until one night the child finally gave in. In tears she took off the old fake pearls which were turning her neck black my now and handed them to her loving daddy. He held her close and as he took her fake pearls with one hand, he was extending the other to deliver to her a beautiful necklace of real pearls that he had been saving for her.
My brothers and sisters in Carmel, the Lord loves us so much that He isn’t satisfied until we are fully partaking in all that He has in store for us…and we shouldn’t be either. This is only accomplished with a pure heart. He gladly takes all of our ‘fake pearls’, and wants so desperately to bejewel us with the real thing, true love!
This isn’t accomplished simply by trying harder or doing better…but by being still and letting it sink in how much our Heavenly Father loves us and how much He has already given and still wants to give to us. We need to be able to live simply in the present moment with a heart filled with appreciation for what is. This is why the track through the desert becomes indispensible; it helps us to focus and removes our blinders.
The path to holiness is not easy but the good news is that He has left us with His Holy Catholic Church which provides the Sacraments that we need for true nourishment…especially that of Reconciliation and the Eucharist. He also sends His angels to minister to us; the importance of community is undeniable…our families, holy friendships and our spiritual communities are all there to support us in this sacred journey towards Holiness.
I’m trying to live proactively, and not just accept life as it happens. So I sat down and jotted some things down. What do I like? What gives me true pleasure and peace of mind? This might seem a bit too self focused, but at the point where I am in my journey it’s what needs to be done. I need to remember myself…who I was created to be.
Life and other people…often well intentioned…seem to band together to push you down…to keep you ‘in your place’. You need to put up a struggle…the world needs you!
My Soul enrichers
* Frequent reception of the Sacraments in a place that feels authentic.
* A good diet and exercise program that will provide energy and not hurt me (paleo at the moment)
* Intimacy…relationships where I can lay it all out and feel accepted for who I am but yet am challenged to be better…be surrounded by people who are similarly called, where I can both feed and be fed and nurtured…and exchange ideas safely. A setting where I give and receive plenty of words of affirmation and appropriate physical touch.
* To express my creativity…(my photography at the moment.)
* To feel productive and useful.
* To live a simple life in an organized and fairly clean setting.
* Be surrounded by nature and beauty
* Beautiful music and art
* Good books
I’m going to tackle each of these areas individually in future posts, so stay tuned. 😉
This past week I’ve been focusing on Step 1…self. I like to think of step 1 as a vertical beam, connecting you to heaven…to Jesus Himself! You can’t discover what you need and what your soul craves without consulting the One that created you and then allow yourself to gently be lead forward…by stepping out in obedience.
