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www.essydphoto.com

Puritas Cordis
June 9, 2012

Purity of Heart, one of the charisms of our Carmelite Spirituality. But what does it really mean, and how does it apply to the lay person.

When we speak of purity of heart to the average Catholic, the message of sexual purity is inferred. However, Puritas Cordis goes way beyond that. Think of Our Blessed Mother. Yes, she was pure in the context stated above…but her freedom from sin was total and complete. Her heart burned wholly for God and His will…and grace abounded.

We are all created with a God-shaped hole in our soul. It is so deep and profound and like St. Augustine said “we are restless until we rest in thee”. This realization of what we are craving comes to the soul of an individual at different stages of the journey. Often times some ‘desert time’ is required. This path can be extremely painful, because it is only through the detachment process that we see that only He is enough, and truly what our heart is desiring in the first place. You cannot feel hunger if you keep yourself stationed at the buffet table.

There is an old country song that whines about ‘looking for love in too many faces’. That is exactly what a heart that is searching for God goes through. We hunger for fulfillment, and completeness, for meaning and purpose, to be told that we are worthy and beautiful. We turn to our idols, our self made golden calves and ask them to supply these things. Their answer at first is intoxicating, it appears to supply all of our needs and we keep going back for more. What started out as a choice now becomes a compulsion! We thirst and these idols keep us thirsty. It doesn’t matter what your particular drug of choice is…we humans are so ingenious, we can create idols out of anything. It is that thing that we keep going back to, time and time again…expecting that this time finally our heart will be content. For some it is food, for others alcohol, drugs, sex, money, power…you get the picture.

It is the apple in the garden of Eden all over again. That’s what the ultimate temptation was about…yes, it was about disobedience…but it was also about seeking answers to life separate from God. His rules are set up for our own protection. They are not there to punish us, but to insure that we get the very best. When I make rules for my kids to not eat junk food, it’s not because I am mean and want to see them suffer. I merely want them to be nourished properly. I want the very best for them. I know that the junk food will take away their appetite for what is good and healthy.

Created things are not bad in and of them selves; it is the distortion in our heart that causes harm. We become greedy with a ‘give me’ attitude. We seek His Hand and stop seeking His Face. It causes harm in the sense that it becomes a distraction from loving God and in turn our brothers fully, and keeps us from receiving all that He wants to give to us. We set ourselves up as our own God, seeking pleasures outside of His boundaries and His Providence. We see everything and everyone as a vessel to fulfill these needs.

One of my favorite stories is about a little girl who so desperately wanted a plastic pearl necklace. She saw just the one in a store window for 25 cents and saved up her pennies to acquire it. She treasured that necklace and held on tight to it. Every night her daddy would tuck her in to bed and ask her for the necklace. Every night the response was the same…oh no daddy, why don’t you take my dolly, or any of my other toys…but not my necklace. The loving daddy would just give her a kiss on the forehead and wish her good night. This played out the same way for a while, until one night the child finally gave in. In tears she took off the old fake pearls which were turning her neck black my now and handed them to her loving daddy. He held her close and as he took her fake pearls with one hand, he was extending the other to deliver to her a beautiful necklace of real pearls that he had been saving for her.

My brothers and sisters in Carmel, the Lord loves us so much that He isn’t satisfied until we are fully partaking in all that He has in store for us…and we shouldn’t be either. This is only accomplished with a pure heart. He gladly takes all of our ‘fake pearls’, and wants so desperately to bejewel us with the real thing, true love!

This isn’t accomplished simply by trying harder or doing better…but by being still and letting it sink in how much our Heavenly Father loves us and how much He has already given and still wants to give to us. We need to be able to live simply in the present moment with a heart filled with appreciation for what is. This is why the track through the desert becomes indispensible; it helps us to focus and removes our blinders.

The path to holiness is not easy but the good news is that He has left us with His Holy Catholic Church which provides the Sacraments that we need for true nourishment…especially that of Reconciliation and the Eucharist. He also sends His angels to minister to us; the importance of community is undeniable…our families, holy friendships and our spiritual communities are all there to support us in this sacred journey towards Holiness.


How Much Does Your Soul Weigh?: Diet-Free Solutions to Your Food, Weight, and Body Worries

A friend just recommended this book to me and it looks like the type of thing that I’m into. Those of you who have been with me for a while know about my journey with weight loss and subsequent regain. But what I learned with programs like Weigh Down and Thin Within, has stayed with me and has lead me forward. So what I’m reading here so far seems to go with that quite well.

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This ‘intuitive self care’ is what I as a Catholic Christian call ‘living a life of grace’. Allowing The Lord, to the best of my ability, to lead me forth in all areas of my life. Can’t wait to dig in further. I will keep you all posted. 😀

What my soul needs

Www.essydphoto.com
Www.essydphoto.com

I’m trying to live proactively, and not just accept life as it happens. So I sat down and jotted some things down. What do I like? What gives me true pleasure and peace of mind? This might seem a bit too self focused, but at the point where I am in my journey it’s what needs to be done. I need to remember myself…who I was created to be.

Life and other people…often well intentioned…seem to band together to push you down…to keep you ‘in your place’. You need to put up a struggle…the world needs you!

My Soul enrichers

* Frequent reception of the Sacraments in a place that feels authentic.

* A good diet and exercise program that will provide energy and not hurt me (paleo at the moment)

* Intimacy…relationships where I can lay it all out and feel accepted for who I am but yet am challenged to be better…be surrounded by people who are similarly called, where I can both feed and be fed and nurtured…and exchange ideas safely. A setting where I give and receive plenty of words of affirmation and appropriate physical touch.

* To express my creativity…(my photography at the moment.)

* To feel productive and useful.

* To live a simple life in an organized and fairly clean setting.

* Be surrounded by nature and beauty

* Beautiful music and art

* Good books

I’m going to tackle each of these areas individually in future posts, so stay tuned. 😉

All of me a duet

Do you ever sing romantic songs to Jesus? I used to do it all the time, but haven’t done it in a while. Until this special song came out. It’s one of my favorites and yet not quite worthy to be sung to a mere human…so I sing it to Him, the lover of my soul, the One who does not disappoint, the One who will never leave me. The one who will indeed love me through it all. It’s a beautiful duet…a Communion Song if you will. 🙂

[Verse]
(Jesus)What would I do without your smart mouth
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can’t pin you down
(Me)What’s going on in that beautiful mind
I’m on your magical mystery ride
And I’m so dizzy, don’t know what hit me, but I’ll be alright

[Bridge]
(Me)My head’s under water
But I’m breathing fine
(Jesus)You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

[Chorus]
(Jesus)‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
(Me)You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all, of me
And you give me all, of you

[Verse]
(Jesus)How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I’m around through every mood
(Me)You’re my downfall, you’re my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, in my head for you

[Bridge]
(Me)My head’s under water
But I’m breathing fine
(Jesus)You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

[Chorus]
(Jesus)‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
(Me)You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all, of me
And you give me all, of you

(Jesus and me together)Cards on the table, we’re both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it’s hard

[Chorus]
(Jesus)‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
(Me)You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you

(Jesus and me together)I give you all, all of me
And you give me all, all of you.
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Beauty

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www.essydphoto.com

simplehomeschool.net/beauty/

The above link takes you to an article on homeschooling which is perfect for the ‘sensitive’ mom. It really captures my heart, this is what I aim for as well. I fall short of it of course…I mean very short of it…lol…but it inspires me to try harder.

I also love all the coping strategies for the sensitive mom, over at www.sortacrunchy.net, it’s basically feeding all of your senses in ways that will nourish and refresh your spirit and keeping away from that which depletes you. For me, being a very visual person…I need to keep clutter at bay and have pretty things that I enjoy looking at close by me. I love taking a walk in my garden when it is in bloom. I am very sensitive to smells as well, and do enjoy lighting up a favorite scented candle. I have to be aware of sounds too…can’t take yelling at all…loud tv noises irk me. I like the sounds of nature…birds, water…etc.

Egssactly!!!

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They say that Autism parenting carries with it a comparable stress level to that of a soldier.See article here. I believe it! It’s not usually big things…it’s the constant barrage of the little stuff…the splat of an egg for instance.

I’m in the school room which is open to the kitchen. I hear ‘splat’ and I tense up and think ‘oh crap, not again’ ok…not those exact words but I do have to edit myself a bit, I don’t know who may be reading this…lol. I approach my son, knowing exactly what just happened. And lo and behold there it is…a splattered egg on my kitchen floor.

Now here is the question that beckons asking. Why? This child doesn’t even like eggs. Won’t even take a single bite. So what does he like? He likes…well brace yourself for this…he likes juggling them. Yes…I’m going to hide in shame for not having been able to ‘fix’ this little problem yet. See…that’s what Autism moms do…or maybe it’s just me…but we wallow in shame and self condemnation. There is certainly a secret or a key, that will just magically make all of this ok…right? I’m just too blind to have discovered it yet. 🙁

Hiding from Love


(Click on picture to take you to Amazon)

I’m in the middle of reading this book and it is amazing! It really gets down to the root of most of our problems today.

“God had a “plan A” for us: a life of unbroken connectedness with Him and each other. Not only was there to be unbroken attachment, but we were also to experience a deep, satisfying sense of purpose and accomplishment in performing the task that He gave us.”

So we were meant to live our lives feeling deeply loved and appreciated, in relationship with Him and our brothers, with a sense of purpose and productivity. WOW! No wonder so many of us ‘sensitive souls’ just feel so darn restless all the time. Our main connections are either totally gone, or so distorted that it’s difficult to draw an ounce of pure love from them. Like trying to breathe in a polluted environment.

Also the productivity thing…yea…umm…take a look around. It’s not that we aren’t ‘busy’ enough…I mean, no one has time for anything as it is, right? But how ‘productive’ are we really? What are we putting out? Do we have pride of accomplishment in our work? It doesn’t matter what it is…a farmer, a writer, an artist, a home maker, a contemplative nun…all productive members of society. It’s in our mind set and how we go about our lives.

And I also venture to say that the two are connected. As in…by being ‘productive’ we serve our brothers and sisters and thereby enter into relationship…and as we enter into relationship and feel loved, we want to be more productive. The ultimate example of this of course being marriage. Where are called to be fruitful and multiply…in other words, be productive!”

Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
(Genesis 1:28)

Professional Friend

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I finally decided to get myself a professional friend…you know…someone that I can meet with regularly, let it all out, I can cry on her shoulder, tell her my darkest secrets and she won’t judge me, will offer wonderful suggestions on how to get my life in order…and she won’t leave me until I’m ready to move on. Ok…so you all probably call this person a ‘therapist’, but whatevah!!! 😉

I finally came to the realization of how much I need this person right now. Struggling with special needs homeschooling, along with still dealing with the deep wounds of having lost loved ones and a myriad of other issues leaves me quite frankly, in a heap these days…and let’s not forget the hormonal wonders that is menopause. God help me!!!

Previous attempts have gone horribly wrong, at first I thought what I needed was a spiritual director…but since it wasn’t happening after several tries I had to concede that perhaps God’s will was elsewhere. I tried confiding in friends, again…horribly wrong…I’m a very sensitive soul…way more intense then the average person can sanely deal with. But then a little burst of inspiration lead me in the right direction. Just had my third visit yesterday and so far so good. Not perfect…but good enough for me to make some progress…so I have to give it a chance. So stay tuned…as ‘step into’ this thing called life. 😉