Last week I posted about living a life in the Spirit. However there is often much that gets in the way of us being able to do that. Spirits that bind us and hold us back from living the Life that we were created for. Our acts of disobedience, both big and small cause their own binding. We can instinctively feel that what we had sought as a way to satisfy the craving of our soul, has instead created a larger hole. We are now hungrier and more needy then ever. We feel raw and naked. We mean well, many of us are long time Christians and know enough to pray… but the prayers that we have memorized from childhood seem to fall on deaf ears. It may seem like we are making headway, but it’s always a few steps forward and many more steps backward. An awkward dance at best. But our eyes have been opened to our own guilt and shame sets in. The pain is too great so then we go back to our own devices… covering ourselves the best way we can. Adam and Even did it with leaves and loin cloths. We do it with whatever draws our attention at the moment. My own idol of choice is food. I’ve used it as a mode of control my entire life. At first I ran from it…quite literally actually. I was raised in another time and place and my mom’s worries for me were real. So force feeding was a viable option. I use that term loosely…she didn’t actually stuff food into my mouth…not that I can remember. But she’d do everything in her power to coax me. Even though the message was that if I didn’t eat I would die, I was fearless and still rebelled and would literally run off. As an adult, I have no one else to look out for me and to keep me alive anymore. So it was up to me to ‘parent’ myself the only way I knew. It really does seem like a struggle for survival. I don’t really binge, but what I do is just as detrimental.
One big lesson this past week for me has been my need for community. I attend a wonderful parish and the Mass there is absolutely wonderful but I still leave aching for more. To be in full fellowship with others. To be able to share my path, what the Lord is asking of me and to listen to how God is working in the lives of others, and then have that extra human support to go about doing it. I prayed! He answered! Through someone that He has recently put in my life, I was told about Overeaters Anonymous. It did’t click right away. Am I a compulsive overeater? Wow, that one took some time to get through. Let’s look at the word “compulsive”, it means, resulting from or relating to an irresistible urge, especially one that is against one’s conscious wishes. Yowzer…YES…I know what is good for me. I have an amazing doctor and had done an elimination diet under his care, and I know exactly what foods I react to and cause me harm. YET…I am powerless in dealing with them. This realization took me right to looking for an OA meeting near me and as is God’s way, He provided for one within a couple of miles from my home. God IS good! It offers exactly what I’ve been craving…closer connection with God and others!
So stick with me as I step into this new chapter of my life and go about living the fullness of life that He has designed for me as I allow Him to now parent me. 😀 I’m super excited to see what His plan is and where He’ll take me next.